Rage Against the Machine
Anyone who has worked with me or knows me well understands my frustration with OSS (Linux, et al).Â
The other day, I set a new record in frustration level. I only wanted to set up the CentOS (Red Hat derivative) distribution with Apache/mod_ssl, PHP4, and MySQL5. By the third reformat and reinstall of the operating system, I could hardly form a coherent sentence through my anger, let alone deal with any more undocumented configuration files.
Unfortunately, you can’t physically destroy Linux. So I took it out on Linux’s cohort–the physical machine.
The server in question was in a compact case–the flat kind that you would put an old CRT monitor atop of. It was conveniently underfoot when something snapped in the IT lobe of my brain. I stomped on it as hard as I could about five times. When my coworker David turned around to see what was going on, I gave him a mildly manic smile and stomped a few more times. Little pieces of plastic and metal fell out of the floppy drive.
I turned back to the computer and attempted to open a shell to get back to work. I got a cryptic error message: “Error writing journal file.” In fact, I got this error at every turn. Time to reboot.
During bootup, I got a new and exciting error: “Kernel Panic“
Now, I don’t really know what a Kernel Panic is, but I do know what a kernel is, and I can imagine that having it panic is a very, very bad thing. In fact, if I were a kernel, I think I would only panic if my arms and legs were broken. So I powered down the computer to check out Linux’s physical extensions.Â
As soon as I opened the case, half of the floppy drive fell out. Well, no harm done, I never used it anyway. I pulled out the rest of it and threw it away. Directly underneath the floppy drive was the hard drive. Well, it’s not so hard once it has an upset user assaulting it! It was significatly dented, and clearly the cause of the earlier panic.
Fortunately, I bought the computer myself. Even more fortunately, I only paid $25 for it. And even more fortunately, I had an identical one at home. I brought it in and got back to work.
Now, the question for my loyal audience is, how should I dispose of the remains of the old server? I do have friends with big guns–hollow-tip bullets, even. Shotguns, too. I also have a hatchet. I could use fire, although I’m not sure how many explosive parts are in a modern computer.
What do you recommend?
April 3rd, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Find out how many explosive parts it has!
April 4th, 2007 at 4:54 am
It will not be too exciting to kill it unless you use an axe or es. I vote for the axe. Just remember that axes tend to glance off of metal and then continue on through feet or shins. Wear eye guards too.
Now, if you can get the es, be sure and send us a video of the destruction. I suggest putting the es underneath it so that it shoots up into the air in very cinematic manner. Of course it may fall on your car and cause thousands of dollars of damage. That is a risk you must take.
Have fun.
April 4th, 2007 at 4:58 am
It appears my computer doesn’t like the word explosives. I believe my comments on your blog were truncated to “es” instead of explosives by my machine. I hate self censorship.
April 4th, 2007 at 7:00 am
CyberPatrol to the rescue, eh? I remember typing things like “I washed the dish; it was dirty” and having the computer mysteriously and instantly change it to “I washed the diXXXXXX was dirty.” That’s a pretty silly thing for a web censorship program to do to you.
April 4th, 2007 at 7:01 am
I vote for guns.
April 4th, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Actually, now that I think about it, how about burning it to the ground while it’s running?
April 9th, 2007 at 5:26 am
I wonder what sort of error messages that would cause.
April 11th, 2007 at 9:18 am
Oh my gosh! we could have so much fun destroying that thing! you should first drop it from a high building, then run it over in your new car, after that we should drive it up the canyon and have yet another bon fire, explosive you say? Even Better!! When it’s all melted into a pile of unrecognizable plastic then you could display it in the lobby of your office as a piece of modern art.
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:43 pm
I found a piece of scratch paper at Ann’s with “Kernel Panic” on it. I looked it up on Wikipedia. In Windows, the equivalent is “Blue Screen of .”